Big Fat Parsi Weddings

A young, middle-class Parsi couple decided to get married and their families met over dhan-daar and tareli machhi to discuss the details.

The bride’s mother, a large and loud lady, declared: “Let’s have a big fat Parsi wedding.”

Her not-so-large husband jibed, “With you in attendance, it will definitely be both big and fat!”

“That’s not what I meant,” she snapped. “I keep reading in the newspapers about all these fancy non-Parsi weddings – they call them big fat Indian weddings. Let’s have a Parsi equivalent.”

The groom’s mother nervously asked: “Doesn’t that sort of thing cost a lot of money? I read that a recent wedding cost over Rs. 50 crore and they had 6,500 guests.”

The bride’s mother beamed, “Aapre bhi kai evha tevha nathee. We can easily muster up 2000 guests. Tamhara bhi 1000 guests toh thussey?”

The groom’s father took out his hanky, wiped his forehead, and confessed: “We’re thinking of restricting our invitations to close family and friends, no more than about 350 people.”

The bride looked dejected. “Let’s discuss the functions. Apart from the engagement, madasoro, adarni etc., I’d like to have a mehendi and sangeet.”

Her father loudly protested, “Eh su badha naatak?”

The large mother snapped: “You have no clue what’s happening in the world. Nowadays our Parsis are having these functions also. Why should our daughter be deprived? At a recent high society parjat wedding they gifted foreign cars and European holidays to guests who attended the sangeet. See how they grandly celebrate their nuptials!”

The groom’s father spoke shakily: “How can we possibly match these rich non-Parsis? I have just managed to buy a Tata Indica. And we holiday every alternate year at one of the reasonable Parsi hotels in Panchgani.”

The bride demanded of the somberly silent groom: “Surely our honeymoon will be at some foreign location? And you must upgrade your car soon. Darling, please also tell your parents I like only diamond jewellery.”

Her mother added: “I read that a big fat wedding is incomplete without an event manager. Aapru Jame recently wrote about a few…”

At this point the bride’s father, somewhat embarrassed by the blabbering his wife and daughter, diplomatically concluded the meeting.

After they left, the groom’s mother fired him: “See how bossy the girl and her mother are. Tu saano gup chup baisee rahyo without saying a word? You will be totally henpecked.”

Her husband piped in: “My mother said the same thing at the time of our marriage – but I lived happily henpecked thereafter! So will our son.”

And so it came to pass that another big fat Parsi wedding was solemnized with pomp, show and an event manager!

 At Mumbai's Anjuman Atash Behram, the new Nayab Dastur Dr. Jamasp was installed on Roj Ardibehesth Mah Ardibehesth, September 19, 2012, as trustee of the Atash Behram, Burjorji Antia looks on

Emergence of the new order
It is always exciting to witness the ascendance of the new order.

Few as we are, and fewer still as we appear to be getting, nothing gladdens the community more than the resurgence of the Parsi spirit with the arrival of fresh blood!

Kindly cast aside your cynicism, if you’re one of those jaded sorts who sighs and declares that GenNext is just not interested in religious adherence.
Week after week, we’re amazed at the response younger readers give us, particularly when it comes to articles pertaining to a further understanding of the faith. Believe it or not but young Parsis, for most of the part, are passionate about preserving both Parsipanu and the Zoroastrian religion.
Do read the story on the centre pages of aapru Jame this week, of how twenty-somethings across the world feel about being Parsi Zoroastrians and how infectious and admirable is their zeal!

And, yet, the road is not entirely easy for them, especially for those living in the West, where popular culture and peer pressure are often at odds with traditional religious practice.

That they still manage to hold on to our precious legacy and are proud of it, speaks volumes not just for the way in which they’ve been raised, but also for the power and glory of what has been given to us thousands of years ago by our Prophet.

It is a gift that cannot be taken for granted. And one that brings continuing joy for those who foster the faith!
Earlier this week, at Mumbai’s resplendent Anjuman Atash Behram, a beloved bastion of the devout, the 115^th Salgreh festivities on September 19 turned into a double celebration with the induction of Nayab Dastur Dr. Jamasp, scion of the illustrious Jamasp Asa clan.
Succession planning is one of the most challenging and rewarding exercises that few enterprises or institutions can afford to ignore. Sadly, at the Wadiaji Atash Behram, a worthy successor wasn’t initiated upon the retirement of Vada Dasturji Dr. Firoze Kotwal
several years ago, although, reportedly, there’s no hereditary ‘gaadi’ of Dasturi there.
However, there is no reason why another scholar priest could not have been – or still cannot be – installed. If our biggest Atash Behrams don’t nurture the emergence of religious scholars of the stature of some of our current senior Vada Dasturjis, where is the young generation going to get guidance from?
The community and its Trusts must facilitate the emergence of a new cadre of Vada
Dasturji who will bring us credit with their scholarship, their understanding of contemporary issues and, above all, their unflinching resolve to conduct themselves with grace, without ever compromising on the core principles of the religion that have stood the test of time and made us who we are.
This reminds us of Tennyson’s sagacious assertion that “the old order changeth yielding place to new, and God fulfills Himself in many ways…”

Calling all Parsi Voters, Your Attention Please...

D-day is here – the first of three successive ‘voting weekends’, which will bring us our ‘Super Seven’ for the brand new BPP board! By now, much murky water has flown under the bridge and the reflections we’ve been seeing of many a candidate, courtesy the conjectures made by rivals, are rather morbid.

Not surprisingly, most Parsis are incessantly asking: Who do we vote for?

There is confusion, uncertainty and apprehension. Many people are finding it difficult to pick seven straight aces from a pack comprising quite some jokers! However, it is our contention that we should desist from getting personal.

While expressing a point of view is perfectly valid, attacking another person isn’t. Everybody is entitled to follow their own path. It’s only when this jeopardises our faith that we must protest, not against the person, per se, but against the path he/she is pushing us to pursue.

Every determined Zoroastrian who stays steadfast to the faith is Ahura Mazda’s soldier – and His army can never be vanquished. Each voter today is one such soldier, and needs to value the unique gift that has been bestowed upon us through Universal Adult Franchise.

To make an unwise decision would be to let down future generations, because the wrong people within the apex body will set the wrong agenda that will undo centuries of our unique and lustrous lineage, and the standing of our community, which has to be preserved, without cutting corners.

So, who do we vote for? The answer is simple: Let us vote for those who are completely committed to preserving the faith, without any compromise. We need to vote into power people who have, time and again, defended the many pillars of Zoroastrianism, including Dokhmenashini, not merely by empty words, but by actions that have upheld its sanctity, even as they have worked toward strengthening this esteemed institution.

Yes, we need to vote for people who have not succumbed to the pressure of supporting the demand for a ‘Cremate ni Bunglee’ at Doongerwadi, because that was never the intention of the Settlors when they created a community haven for Dokhmenashini. This, however, isn’t the only issue.

We need to vote for people who are not pro-conversion, and be very wary of those who talk about ‘Parsi-panu’ rather glibly on public platforms (but are actually supporting agencies that are setting up so-called ‘Cosmopolitan agiaries’). The purity of our agiaries is paramount, and opening them up unwisely will only accelerate intermarriages and the final decimation of our fold. In olden days, even if five Parsis went to a small town in India, the wealthiest among them established an agiary, a dar-e-meher, or a dadgah in the house.

They survived in very small numbers in the remotest Indian outposts (Kanpur, Agra, Allepi, Hubli and so on), only because they were staunch. How can we, today, slight their sacrifices by suggesting that what they did was old-fashioned and we need to “move with the times” instead?

On the contrary, we need to vote for people who have worked with, and will continue to work with, and not against, the learned High Priests, whose guidance on religious matters is crucial to our community.

This humble submission is placed before you: If you have a medical problem, won’t you go to a top doctor? If your accounts are a mess, will you not take the advice of competent Chartered Accountant? If you need to build a bungalow or redo your home, won't you engage an architect/interior designer? Then why is it that on religious matters we don’t go to our learned High Priests (the best possible experts on the subject), but allow a section of the lawyer lobby to lead us into the Courts instead, where mostly non-Parsi judges (with the greatest respect to them) are expected to deliver religious interpretations of our ancient and sacred faith?

Think about it. We need to save our community from such misguided litigation and the consequences thereof. We most certainly need to vote in new Trustees who will stand firm by the faith. And not sympathise with all those who want to scratch their private itches publicly, while inflicting open wounds upon the community, expecting the courts to then embalm their aberrations!

We need to vote into the BPP Trustees who have done some service to the community, which has served our best interests, because past performance is a good judge of whether future promises will be borne – or still born.

Accelerated education for our youth, empowering them professionally, encouraging marriages within the community at an earlier age (with a focus to facilitate a two-child family, with some childcare infrastructure in the baugs), looking after the aged, and a vibrant agenda that energises the community is the need of the hour.

We need Trustees who can deliver this. And, there’s no reason why, with the community’s support, they can’t.

Carefully, thoughtfully, and with a prayer, we need to cast our votes – for progress, along with preservation. Let us have a BPP Board that will bode well for our community and our religion. All else will follow. Because if we lose our religion and Zoroastrian ethos, nothing else will matter.

PS: The picture atop this blog is of the ruins of Persepolis. The Parsis lost all they had in Persia. Will the same happen in India again, if people who aren’t committed to the faith get elected as Trustees and end up destroying our legacy… one sincerely hopes not.

Parsi Politics: Desperate Times

With the elections oncoming, dishing the dirt on one probable Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP) candidate after another seems to be the community’s pass time. As the date draws closer, and the contest gets more capricious, the daggers, which are already drawn, will dig in deeper still – and the wounds will be more vicious.

Even the US Presidential elections, keenly as they are being contested around contentious causes, appear like a gentle garden party compared to our street-fight style of ballot battling.

ACRIMONIOUS ACRONYMS
What a pity, isn’t it? Increasingly, one is becoming disappointed by our lack of grace. For years, one has held on, steadfast to the notion of all we stand for – integrity, impeccable public conduct, personal decorum, a value-based upbringing that isn’t violated by opportunism, and respect for others.

All of that seems to have been subverted in the past few years as a slew of Acrimonious Acronyms slug it out for power. Whether it’s AZA, WAPIZ, ARZ, BPP, AIMZ, PRG, WZO, AFP, and whatever else, all of them have been embroiled in petty politicking and desperately trying to outmanoeuvre each other, whilst simultaneously attempting to manipulate the community into supporting their ideology and actions.

The result is the Parsis are today so fractured, so faction-ridden, so frayed that we have lost the very essence of who we are. And each of the Acrimonious Acronyms has played its part in the process. In trying to grab their slice of the community cake, all they have left are crumbs.

Average Parsis are not concerned with the perennial warring between groups. While ideologies can be debated and points of view countered, petty personal attacks are pointless. They only sully the ethos and atmosphere of the community, filling minds with mistrust and hearts with misgiving.

SURFEIT OF SCEPTICISM
Today, there’s not a single leader, or possible leader, amongst Parsis, who has not been shred to shards. Nobody trusts anybody any more, least of all if the person is standing for elections. Attacks are launched, fast and furious. This leaves the community confused, cantankerous and crushed. After all, if you cannot trust anybody to lead you, what purpose are the forthcoming elections going to serve?

As it is, nobody gets along with anyone. If the final Parsi Punchayet Board is going to be a coalition, with differing ideologies and personal egos pulling in very contrary directions, with the Trustees themselves having been discredited by their detractors, what are we thrusting the apex organisation of the community into – irretraceable chaos?

Perhaps, all those who are whipping up passions like egg whites in a badly set soufflé need to understand that we’re all falling flat. What we need, more than ever before, is cooperation and communion. Differing points of view have their place, but not at the cost of our unity.

Mutual respect will have to replace rancour and disruptive rivalry. There are far too many issues we need to focus on for our very survival as a community today, and these are far more crucial than our differences. We need Trustees who understand this, and inspire faith in the community that they can collaborate effectively. We can sometimes agree to disagree. But to be disagreeably disagreeable all the time is defeating.

May the coming months bring us the unity we so desperately need, and the leadership to take us ahead.

(This post first appeared in Jam-e-Jamshed)